It’s time we put the debate to rest: size does matter. I say the bigger the better. When they’re big, we can find them easily. Key rings, that is. We all carry them; in our pockets, handbags, clipped to our jeans. Keys: we’ve all lost them occasionally. That’s why the key ring is so indispensable.
With so many nifty designs available, there’s no excuse not to have your keys organized. And take a look at all the freebies out there. Complimentary key rings from restaurants, gas stations, banks, real estate and insurance offices. New companies give them out as free advertising, shouting out their logos.
I love my gas station gizmo, my Exxon tiger key ring. Sighting a shady character approaching, I’d reach for my tiger. He’d help me into my car expediently and I’d breathe a sigh of relief, locking my car doors hastily.
We have “reward” key rings, like my Weight Watchers lifetime member key ring. With a 55-pound weight loss under my belt I’m proud to pull out this one. For kids, we have so many sports-themed key rings for their athletic milestones, all very validating.
So you see, key rings can boost self-esteem. They make us feel special. They make a personal statement, symbolize a favorite thing or hobby: skating, biking, hairdressing, computing or art. Whatever floats your boat (sure, boating too!) there’s a key ring for you.
How about a macho key ring? My brother, a New York City cop, carries a ‘persuader baton’ key ring. This spiffy little token was given out at academy graduation.
The persuader baton is a mini-night stick that can be used to inflict all kinds of persuasive pain upon your victim. My brother likes to harass anyone on the train who is picking their teeth, hoarding too much seat space, or generally making his commute miserable. Definitely a handy dual-purpose key ring.
For the egomaniac, or hot singles, there are name key rings. That adorable hunk won’t even have to ask your name, just leave your key ring at the bar. Anyone experiencing memory lapses? Highly stressed? Menopausal? A name key ring might be a good idea for you. You won’t lose your keys and you won’t forget who you are either.
My most beloved key ring is the one I found while rummaging through my kitchen junk drawer. Lovingly handmade by my daughter at age seven, this one proclaims me “#1 Mom”. This is a priceless key ring. It will never be discarded.
I bet you never realized how necessary, meaningful and sentimental key rings could be. They’ve been around forever and always will be, even in our high-tech society. Maybe someone will invent a talking key ring. “I’m over here, stupid!” Never mind, we’re already in a frenetic state of beeping and buzzing with our cell phones, beepers and palm pockets. I’d prefer to keep good old-fashioned key rings just the way they are: colorful, conspicuous and there when we need them.